Accentuate The Positive

Posted on February 21, 2015 by Robert Downs

The Girl In 6E by Alessandra Torre
My Rating: 5/5 Stars

This little bastard is the reason I cannot definitively say MONDAY’S LIE is the best book I’ve read this year. However, I am fairly confident that I have discovered the top two books I will read in 2015…with approximately 10.5 months of the year left. Then again, my crystal ball has failed me before, so you never know.

But I will power through my early year euphoria, and discover the world of mediocrity. Okay, okay, it probably won’t be that bad. But I have trouble with the concept of lightning striking me three times, mainly because I don’t want to end up on the operating table with a pile of drool beside me during my darkest days.

Rather than focus on the negative, let’s accentuate the positive. Deanna Madden is a badass. Sure, she may decorate her spare bedroom in pink, set up multiple webcams, craft her hair in pigtails, and work her clit for all she’s worth with horny men typing heavily on the other end, but this girl has style, when she decides to put on the occasional pair of clothes. She has a certain self-awareness that I found attractive and intriguing. She didn’t pull any punches when it came to her descriptions of the webcam world, and frankly, I found it all a bit fascinating. But I like to learn, and I had my eyes opened wide.

It ain’t exactly erotica, though. In some ways novel classification can be a disservice, when we’re talking genre-bending reads, and THE GIRL IN 6E certainly fits the bill. If you’re looking for erotica, or in this case erotic suspense, and you have domination on the brain, or romance, or happy endings (and yes the double entendre was on purpose for the love of popsicle sticks), then you’ll probably be disappointed at what this little gem has to offer the world.

If that’s the case, though, then you’re missing out on one hell of a pleasure cruise. I plan to start mine with Sex on the Beach (double entendre) and a trip to Iceland where I can cool off.

Marry The Crazies

Posted on January 25, 2015 by Robert Downs

Cliff Walk: A Liam Mulligan Novel by Bruce DeSilva
My Rating: 4/5 Stars

I can do sarcastic smart-ass all day long. In fact, I want to love it and squeeze it and then kiss it on the forehead. Liam Mulligan may have a tendency to marry the crazies, but he sure does know how to fire off the one-liners. And that worked for me. The man may not walk around with a loaded gun in his pants, but he has a loaded weapon between his lips, and he’s not afraid to use it. Yes, indeed, he shoveled more shit than a circus performer, and he put more than one smile on my face.

CLIFF WALK started out dark, and then it got darker. And when that wasn’t enough, I went out searching for a nightlight and a Snuggie and a glass of warm milk. Speaking of which, Rhode Island is a great place to take the kids and nothing bad ever happens there at all. Except prostitution and newspapers that break faster than a pair of eggs and pornographic films and dead bodies and child pornography…and shit that’s the mailman at the door and he’s wielding a machine gun. “Oh, my God, they found me, I don’t know how, but they found me. Run for it Marty!” Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. Just as I needed to do with this review.

Sure, this book was great, but I think I’m going to need my Snuggie and glass of warm milk for a few more nights.

I received this book for free at Bouchercon.

A Bigger Bone

Posted on January 23, 2015 by Robert Downs

Paw and Order by Spencer Quinn
My Rating: 3/5 Stars

Chet may be one brilliant bastard (for a dog), but I read this during my darker days where the nights were long and the radiator was cold, and it’s hard to read (or sleep) when you have a flashlight shined in your eyes every half-hour. Sure, the cabin was fun for the first day or so, and I even pretended to like it, but not sleeping gets old really fast.

And so does Chet. Something was amiss, and I don’t think it was the lack of bacon bits. Sure, Suzie Sanchez makes an appearance, and where would Chet be without Bernie by his side, but I just wanted a bigger bone, and more fresh water in my bowl (and not the kind you get out of the toilet either as that’s saved for special occasions).

But even though I missed the smell of bacon and water and more than a few scratches on my belly, I still enjoyed frolicking around inside Chet’s head. The air was crisp and plenty (since it was blowing in my face), and I leaned my head out the window and squirrel and then he was running and I was running and my teeth were smacking and his lips were jabbering and I found myself being yelled at for no apparent reason. And that’s sort of what PAW AND ORDER felt like. It started out as great fun, but I ended up getting scolded in the end.

I received this book for free through NetGalley.

Clean And Sharp

Posted on January 10, 2015 by Robert Downs

Baby Moll by John Farris
My Rating: 3/5 Stars

Dammit, I can’t really remember this novel at all. So what I will say is North Dakota is really green this time of year. No, that’s not right either. If there are excess words to be found in the English language, you probably won’t find them within the confines of BABY MOLL. This novel punched me in the gut, and then it kept on swinging even after I had already hit the ground. But that’s what I love about Hard Case Crime novels. Those beautiful bastards rip out your insides, and then staple them to your forehead.

The dialogue is clean and sharp; the characters have discovered more than a few problems; the action has a brutish quality; and there’s a clear distinction between the good guys and the bad guys (and no it’s not the white hats). The women often remind me of pin-up models, and I can devour a Hard Case Crime novel in approximately two hours and fifty-nine minutes. If life gets better than this, then I’d like to see it, because that probably means there’s a pot of gold with my name on it, or a mob boss ready to shove a hand grenade up my keister. These days, one can never really tell.

Sons Of Anarchy

Posted on January 9, 2015 by Robert Downs

Ice Shear by M.P. Cooley
My Rating: 2/5 Stars

Now that I have made my break from Bismarck, ND, I can once again write reviews of my own volition. It’s much easier to let the creative juices flow when you are no longer chained to a radiator. Anyway…M.P. Cooley knows her small towns and she knows her cops, but pages and plots filled with motorcycles and biker gangs turned me off a tad. Needless to say, my redneck status has been revoked by the great state of Mississippi.

But the picture she did in fact paint of Small Town USA made me wish I had enjoyed it more than I did. But I cannot stop the demented demon, as he often has a mind of his own. And maybe I might have enjoyed the meth lab a tad, if I didn’t have such a clear image of Breaking Bad in my rearview mirror. Or maybe I should be shunned by the great state of New York, have toothpicks jammed in my eyes, shoved in front of a television, and have Sons of Anarchy reruns shoved down my gullet.

The pages did not move at a breakneck speed, and I did not experience even the slightest hint of a wow factor. But that could just be me. I can never really tell these days, and once the nightmares cease (No, not the knife!), I may be able to offer a more coherent interpretation.

I received this book for free at Left Coast Crime.

New York City Morgue

Posted on August 12, 2014 by Robert Downs

Invisible Prey by John Sandford
My Rating: 4/5 Stars

I love “That Fuckin’ Flowers.” He may not be the main show or even a Romeo, but he’s one hilarious bastard. He may need to spend a bit more time at the range, and there’s the distinct possibility he’s more interested in writing and fly fishing than he is detective work, but that just makes him memorable and interesting.

The usual suspects populate INVISIBLE PREY, so if you’re familiar with Lucas Davenport and Weather and Kidd, you’ll feel right at home. But if this is your first rodeo, then I should probably ask you “Where the hell have you been for the past 25 years?” By my calculations there are 24 Davenport novels and 8 Flowers novels, plus you have the Kidd novels, and yeah, I’m probably missing a few along with some screws.

The pace jerked me more than a socket wrench; the bodies stacked up faster than a New York City morgue; there were antiques and robberies and a few dichotomies; and smack dab in the middle stood Lucas Davenport in all of his infinite glory. Was it the best Prey novel I’ve ever read? It’s really hard to say, because I’ve read them in spurts and squirts, but it’s a damn good read if you’re into that sort of thing.

Devil May Care

Posted on August 4, 2014 by Robert Downs

Pale Horses by Jassy Mackenzie
My Rating: 3/5 Stars

Jade de Jong reminded me of a dude. Let me just put that out there right now, so you’re not left wondering later, and just in case you don’t like chicks that act like dudes. Me, I have no strong reservations on the matter, and I’m all for equal opportunity. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that strong women…and men are interesting to me. Because it’s not easy to perfect the bad*ss lassiez faire attitude with a devil may care grin plastered on your face.

But Jade pulls it off. And she does it with a smoking body and smoking attitude. She’s not afraid of anyone, and she’s certainly not afraid to throw herself in the line of fire. David Patel is the yin to her yang, and it works. It really, really does.

The South African setting with the swan dive courtesy of Sonet Meintjies off the sixty-five story Sandton skyscraper was a new twist to me in the eventful death arena, and I must say I rather enjoyed the unique approach, not necessarily the demise of said individual.

I enjoyed the characters, the storyline, and the mystery fulfilled my attention, but I didn’t feel like I was a stock car on the last lap of the track executing a mad dash to the checkered flag. Instead, I’d call it heightened curiosity without ever becoming completely immersed in PALE HORSES. But if unique deaths and unique settings are your thing, you’ll find plenty of both here.

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

Chocolate Covered In Chili Pepper

Posted on July 27, 2014 by Robert Downs

Fade To Blonde by Max Phillips
My Rating: 3/5 Stars

Dammit, blondes should definitely not be forced to fade away. Instead, the little vixens filled with honey and curves and dimpled noses should prance around from town to town just for the hell of it. I have no idea why, but I continue to be fascinated by women with honey-colored hair. If I’m being truly honest, though, I don’t discriminate if she’s brunette, or raven-haired, or a redhead, but for whatever reason blondes pack a little extra wallop when I step in the ring.

So, yes, I liked Rebecca LaFontaine even I couldn’t trust even six words out of a sixty word monologue that she might spout off to me between the sheets. FADE TO BLONDE felt like a true icon in the midst of my two star slump fest. But it had more bite to it than a piece of chocolate covered in chili pepper. Ray Corson had an attitude that just wouldn’t quit, and the pages clipped along faster than a pair of scissors through tissue paper. So I did what seemed appropriate: I gripped my chair with both hands and held on tight. The dialogue had more firepower than a machine gun; there wasn’t a spineless character to be found; the race was over in record time and it was nearly a photo finish.

The ending was a blow to the gut and a jammed toe, but in a good way, and I may have lost a tooth before the ride ended. But I did manage to keep myself apprised of the situation, even if I had to blow my nose on more than one occasion. If you like your cases hard and your women loose, then find yourself a video camera and saddle up my friend, because this is one ride where you might want to hold on tight.

Prose That Peppers Your Nose

Posted on July 27, 2014 by Robert Downs

The Cutting Season by Attica Locke
My Rating: 2/5 Stars

If you prefer prose that peppers your nose and wows you with wonder and awe, then you might find yourself having a grand time while reading about the Deep South, where the tea is always sweet, an afternoon rain happens daily, and the humidity is so thick you have to keep your head down and plow forward through the mist. With the opening line I was caught in time and found myself veering ahead with what might have been excitement mixed with hope. But alas she was a fairer lass than Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton who changed her mind at the drop of a dime, and I found myself rather chagrined with the story I was about to begin. It ended there this love affair, and I slogged through the rain in my poncho and galoshes, the rain splashing my face and assaulting my senses. I sneezed, and then sneezed again.

The story could have been much more and something I could adore, but alas twas not meant to be, and so it shall go down in history as another two star read. What might have been much better in this little endeavor is if the plot and the ending matched the rest of the prose, instead of just taking me on a journey with atmosphere and vocabulary. What I discovered was a killer who spouted off a little too long in the mouth, and bequeathed our fair heroine with more than a few antidotes. If sugar cane and acid rain had mixed on the page and devoured this journey, tearing and ripping its way toward salvation, and extending the plot with more than a few thoughts, I might have found myself in the middle of THE CUTTING SEASON and happy to be placed out in the fields of labor.

Instead, I feel I am the one who missed out on the fun, and now I must end this little simulation with a dance imitation and shuffle and grand production where the tourists with the t-shirts and flip-flops and backpacks shall endeavor to visit my plantation.

Twelve Round Beat Down

Posted on July 4, 2014 by Robert Downs

Casino Moon by Peter Blauner
My Rating: 4/5 Stars

If the boxing world even remotely mimics what Peter Blauner describes with intense detail in the pages of CASINO MOON—a world filled with intimidation and manipulation, where the main objective becomes the knockout, completely immobilizing your opponent both inside and outside the ring, where a cutting board with several large knives serves as the negotiation table, where greed is the only concept that brings men together in the name of a twelve round beat down—then I’m glad I’m a lover, not a fighter. It’s this world filled with ornate detail, where the good guys are bad and the bad guys are even worse that the reader finds himself engrossed in from the opening bell. A world where women go panty-free, fucking the hero on the rails of the boardwalk, where killing is just another word expunged between breaths and guns are touted around with as much precision as metal lunchboxes. It’s a world I’m unfamiliar with, and yet I was immediately intrigued by it.

This world has no beginning and no end: it lives on with its own life force. And yet I felt as though I had a brief glimpse into it between the pages, savoring every moment of exploding flesh, hard rights, and intense uppercuts. While I certainly understood the needs and desires of Anthony Russo and his ploy to go legitimate, or at least break himself away from his mob ties, most of my sympathies rested with Rosemary. She’s as tough as any male character that haunts the pages of this novel, and without her, this book might have been a shell of itself. This proves an ongoing point that many good and great authors recognize: strong males need strong females. It’s a codependent relationship, and this hard-case crime novel is better for it.

If you’re into interesting reads where you get a glimpse of the street life, along with the high life, and you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty, then you might want to check out this book. I know I’m glad I did.