Cocksure Attitude

Posted on September 6, 2013 by Robert Downs

11367726 Defending Jacob by William Landay
My Rating: 4/5 Stars

I hated Jacob and would have preferred to rub his cocksure attitude into the sand, knock him over the head with a shovel, and then bury him with said object about six feet under. He’s more emotionless void than passionate Picasso, and he feels absolutely no responsibility for his actions. That’s your typical teenager, at least on the latter, but not having a heart is not exactly what I strive toward every day of my life. And yet I ended up completely immersed in legalese and legal suspense.

William Landay has a knack for plotting novels, or at least based on the merits of DEFENDING JACOB. The spoon-fed trial details, the slipping between the present and the past almost effortlessly, the family history that comes out later like a pissed off reptile, and the emotional struggle to hold a family together even as it’s being torn apart all make for one glorious read. And yet he takes nearly 431 pages to answer one basic question: Is Jacob guilty or not? If you peel back all the emotional layers and struggles and doubts and accusations, that’s the bottom line. To put it mildly, he does it really, really well.

Andy Barber doesn’t want to answer this question. He doesn’t want to believe he could have made an error raising his son; instead, he chooses to focus on the goodness and righteousness that he sees every day in Jacob. He’ll do whatever it takes to defend his boy, even if it means lying or circumventing the truth or covering up details along the way. But then I’m the kind of person who thinks celebrities and other public figures should act in a professional, civic manner, and I hold myself to the same standards that I hold others to (often to be disappointed by said individuals somewhere along the way). None of that detracted from my overall reading experience, though. It just gave me a few additional thought molecules.

But I will say I didn’t like the ending. Even though it doesn’t change my rating, I would have been happier had the book ended about 30 pages sooner. Sure, it was an excellent twist, but it’s not one I was particularly happy about.

No Plethora Of Adverbs

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Robert Downs

16130073 North Sea Requiem by A.D. Scott
My Rating: 1/5 Stars

“To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” – Mark Twain

With the publication of this review, Simon & Schuster and Atria executives will have bleeding ears and red faces and I’ll be placed in the crosshairs of a hit man named Jeb and I’ll be quietly removed from NetGalley and Amazon will put me in chains and lock me away and I’ll be alienated and isolated to the point that no one will talk to me but my wife and some little dog named Fluffy who will come and visit me when I’m put in an insane asylum and shoved in a straitjacket and thrust paper cups at random intervals filled with blue, white, and yellow pills.

If I could provide a one-sentence summary, it’d be as follows: Aspiring authors should read this novel for what not do as a writer. Forget Fifty Shades, this is your Bible. Study it, learn it, and then don’t ever fucking do it. Okay? Okay.

Here are a few of the highlights/lowlights:
Passive voice? Check.
Exclamation point minefields? Check.
Repeated dialogue? Check.
Circular communication? Check.
Not getting to the point? Check.
Am I making myself clear? No.
Verbose to the point that I wanted to offer up editing services? Check.
Overuse of accent and dialect? Check.
Historical? Yes.
Mystery? Possibly but it was a side car on this happy train.
Plenty of clichés? Check.
Used thought/saw and likeminded words to the point that it pulled me out of the story? Check.
Overuse of telling instead of showing? Check.
Stilted dialogue? Check.
Stilted characters? Check.
Plot twists? Possibly but I missed that particular train.

This novel made me so angry that I thought I had developed a complex. I wanted to tackle Santa Claus, throttle the Easter Bunny, and punch out the tooth fairy. And I had this absolute darkness lingering over me like a rain cloud. On the bright side, I came up with a character that will have a mother lode of shit dumped on his head, as I explore the depths of darkness ordinary individuals can sometimes face. If not for this particular book, this wouldn’t have been possible.

Oh, and Stephen King will be pleased that at least one element of his craft was followed—there wasn’t a plethora of adverbs.

I literally wanted to pound the shit out of NORTH SEA REQUIEM with a hacksaw, hammer, battering ram, and a flack vest. And then pick it back up and do it all over again.

Curtain calls and fancy halls and soccer balls and…you may finish this sentence however you like.

I received this book for free through NetGalley.

A Disturbance In The Creative Force

Posted on September 1, 2013 by Robert Downs

17928002 Alex by Pierre Lemaitre
My Rating: 1/5 Stars

If I may be so bold, I’d like to begin at the end and say there’s definitely a “disturbance in the creative force.”—thanks Amanda Or at least that was my first thought after completing this novel.

If I didn’t want to embrace books with a warm hug and proceed to shove them out into the world by talking about them, promoting them, and engaging in lively discussions with informed readers across the space and time continuum for the rest of my life without fail, I could very easily just write ALEX off and move on with my life, rubbing my palms together, and then ducking under an overpass while the train rocks the tracks above my head. But that wouldn’t be okay, and it certainly isn’t a productive use of my time. Maybe I’m half-sensitive, half-crazy, prone to second-guessing, and have enough of an ego that I feel like I need to somehow be a productive member of society and make some sort of contribution before I dissipate off this Earth faster than a fart in the New Mexican wind, so here we are, wonderful reader and I, dancing the tango over yet another book review. Where I hope to impart a few thoughts, informed opinions, and constructive criticisms, and you can pretend that you actually give a flying fart.

Here are a few of the issues:
Constant telling to the point that I wanted to rip my hair out? Check.
Inside Alex’s head way too much, to the point that I could set up camp, read a newspaper, and smoke a cigarette while balancing a tumbler on my left knee? Check.
Shaggy dialogue? Check.
Exclamation point minefields? Check.
Not getting to the point? Check.
Am I making myself clear? No.
Piss-poor similes and metaphors? Check.
Overstated, redundant, bloated prose? Check.
Stilted, stiff, wooden, overformal, mannered, and pretentious dialogue? Check.
Overemphasis on ellipses? Check.
Repetitious to the point that I thought I had developed CRS disease? Check.
Drama and heightened tension sucked out of the prose faster than a Hoover by mediocre writing? Check.
Excessive stammering to the point that I wanted to offer speech lessons? Check.
Mystery? Possibly but it was a side car on this happy train.
A supposed thriller minus most of the thrills? Check.
Plenty of clichés? Check.
Immediate and unexplained epiphanies? Check.
Brings words like pussyfooting to the foray? Check.
Penchant for passive voice? Check.
Almost seemed to switch POV in the middle of a few scenes? Check.
Editing comments that were both annoying and frustrating and over explained the difference between French and English? Check. (This should be fixed upon the official release, otherwise readers are in for a real treat.)

For the first two-thirds or so of this tale, Alex Prevost just might have been my least favorite character of all time. I’m not sure I could have looked at her, or even been in the same room with her, and being in her head for so long proved rather torturous, corrupting me on more than one level. *BEGIN SPOILER* But once I did understand the motivations for her actions, she did grow on me however slightly, even though it was probably a bit too late in the game for me to come full circle in my way of thinking. And the ending itself proved a bit farfetched even for this roller-coaster-induced tale. *END SPOILER*

If I didn’t already have some sort of complex where I tend to question myself, ponder the meaning of life, and seek out both the good in people and books, I might be perfectly fine with writing two one-star reviews in a row. But I can’t help but feel as though I have somehow failed the universe.

Upon finishing ALEX, I don’t really feel anger or frustration or fury or annoyance, I feel a lingering, profound sadness that hangs over me like the sun, a sense of defeat and loss and despair that clings to me like a wet t-shirt, and then I don’t really feel much of anything at all.

I received this book for free through NetGalley.

Meet Charlie Hardie

Posted on August 25, 2013 by Robert Downs

11828769 Fun & Games by Duane Swierczynski
My Rating: 4/5 Stars

Meet Charlie Hardie, former cop, resident badass, coming to housesit in a neighborhood near you. He gets drunk and watches old movies as often as Congress runs a budget deficit, before he meets Lane Madden, a chick with more attitude and gumption and fighting ability than the top UFC contender, and gets tossed in the middle of the ring with a group of coldblooded killers. Lane’s tough, and she’s not about to take attitude from anyone, including a group of hit men and one woman who want nothing more than to see her dead.

If I had to pick a favorite character (and this is nothing short of a difficult task), I’d have to say Mann topped the charts. She focuses on the score, and she has a body and an attitude that just won’t quit. Despite being maimed and mauled (and her thing against guns), she’s going to see her assignment through all the way to end, as long as she still has a breath or two left in her. She focuses on her script, and she sets out to direct her masterpiece, even if she has to improvise her plan multiple times.

If FUN AND GAMES had been set anywhere other than LA, the high speed chases on narrow mountain passes, the tan, shaved woman sunbathing on her deck in the nude in broad daylight, the impalement of Charlie by a beautiful woman in a t-shirt and bikini underwear wielding a microphone stand like it’s a machete, and the house that goes up in flames faster than a hayfield after a lightning strike, the antics might have strained my believability factor, even though I have a high tolerance for suspending disbelief. But I figured this was LA and all bets are off, literally, and I thought absolutely nothing of the shenanigans, as I pushed the car close to ninety in the middle of the freeway, flipping page after high-octane page, and enjoying the ride with every smooth turn.

All The Way Cuckoo

Posted on August 24, 2013 by Robert Downs

12837725 Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
My Rating: 5/5 Stars

I think I might have met someone that is certifiably insane. Not just a little insane but all the way cuckoo. So crazy that I want to get out of her head right now, rinse myself off, and then down some sort of medication to ease the pain that is building up like a ball of wax.

And just when I thought I had everything figured out, I found myself traveling on a different elevator, headed to a different destination, and in the opposite direction. I realized I knew nothing. Possibly even less than nothing. It’s like a light switch was suddenly flipped on, and I discovered I was standing in a bedroom when I thought I was standing in the living room, and in my underwear, no less.

Without saying too much, I wouldn’t read this book if I planned on getting married. Ever. And since I’m already married, I might start sleeping with the nightlight on, even though I’ve never been a nightlight kind of guy. It’s that good. Literally.

Gillian Flynn has human psyche nailed to perfection: those dark places that no one ever wants to talk about or visit, those demons that are stuffed in a closet, duct taped from head to toe, and then tied to a chair. It freaked me out, because it felt so real, and was as real as any piece of fiction I’ve ever read.

If you like dark, psychological fiction, then you’ll want to snap this book up faster than a piece of Ghirardelli chocolate. Just make sure to leave the lights on while reading.

Great Third Impression

Posted on August 18, 2013 by Robert Downs

236862 Death Without Company by Craig Johnson
My Rating: 5/5 Stars

I’d never heard of Craig Johnson before I attended Left Coast Crime 2011 in Santa Fe, NM. Let me say it was more than just a minor oversight on my part: it was probably a borderline tragedy. During a Sunday morning panel titled “Crime Fiction on Big and Little Screens,” he spoke about the Longmire series in production with A&E, and I was intrigued from when he first opened his mouth to the end of the discussion. To entice us to stick around and thank us for showing up on Sunday, cards for a giveaway were being handed out, and I happened to be second to the trough. An ARC of Craig’s upcoming release Hell Is Empty was one of the items being offered, and I snapped it up faster than a rattlesnake might attack a field mouse. And I was enamored enough with the writing and the characters to start at the beginning of the Walt Longmire series.

Like Craig Johnson the man, Craig Johnson the author leaves a damn good third impression. Death Without Company brings back all the familiar faces from The Cold Dish, and even manages to throw in a few new ones. The familiarity mixed with the new is certainly intriguing, and he only ratchets it up with great characterization, setting, and an intriguing mystery. Even though this is a first person narrative, like the other two, the secondary characters are rich in depth, description, and details to the point that the reader isn’t lacking a single piece of information. If that isn’t enough for you, he takes it a step further and Absaroka County feels about as close and homey as my own backyard.

Speaking of my backyard, he was kind enough to stop in New Mexico on his book tour for his latest novel As The Crow Flies, and I was impressed with the way he carried himself. Afterwards, he signed three novels for me, not his latest, and he seemed both genuine and sincere. My last encounter with him was an email exchange, and he exhibited all the same qualities I gathered from my first impression.

So what’s my point? It’s a beautiful thing when nice guys find success, and I hope he discovers it in droves. He’s built up a faithful audience through wonderful prose, received numerous writing awards, but it wasn’t until his seventh novel that he hit The New York Times Bestsellers List. If I had a cowboy hat, I’d tip it in Craig Johnson’s direction, and I’d wish him nothing but the best. And if you like mysteries as much as I do, you’ll want to remember the name Craig Johnson. It’s one I won’t likely forget.